One morning this week, I had two different employees in my office crying. Betsy was crying because her gramma was in the hospital and she felt guilty being at work but like a slacker asking to leave early. Lindsy was crying because Betsy was being mean to her. Lindsy wanted to quit.
Lindsy had only been here for a month and was being trained by Betsy on a fairly complicated process that frequently had issues. Lindsy said that Betsy was constantly sighing aloud, rolling her eyes, and condescending to her. I asked Lindsy if she’d ever said anything to Betsy, and she said no. I asked Lindsy if she’d be willing to speak with Betsy before quitting and she agreed.
I told Betsy, for god’s sake, not to feel guilty about leaving early to visit her gramma. But I asked that she and Lindsy talk first. Betsy was shocked when I repeated Lindsy’s complaints.
“I wasn’t rolling my eyes and sighing at her. I was reacting to the random, stupid shit that comes up and we have to deal with!”
Betsy readily agreed to speak with Lindsy. I gave the two of them my office and went off to a meeting. When I came back, Betsy told me that they’d had a good conversation, and that it was too bad they hadn’t spoken weeks ago. Lindsy had told Betsy that she hated coming into work in the morning. In spite of settling their differences, Lindsy opted to leave.
I didn’t fight Lindsy’s decision, and had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something along the lines of “if you think this is rough, maybe you should reconsider a career in finance.”
I don’t want to discourage young women from going into finance. Quite the opposite—I agree with Sheryl Sandberg when she states that more women in any organization can change the culture noticeably. In my experience, it’s for the better. But on the other hand, women need to be ready for what they’re going into.
In my career, I have been yelled at, berated in front of others, had one guy go consistently to my male boss rather than me, and had coworkers speculate in front of me about what kind of underwear I was wearing. (Let’s just say that guys in manufacturing are not among the most enlightened.) Not only am I still standing, lack of political correctness makes me laugh and shake my head. It is not unusual for me to be the only woman in a room full of men. If you want to survive, you’ve got to get used to male culture, and it is generally not touchy-feely one.
Would I counsel Lindsy to stay in a job she doesn’t like? Maybe, if it leads to another job she wants. Public accounting puts people through the wringer, but they can go on from there to anywhere. (There’s an expression, “public accounting is a great place to be from”.) But I would also say that any person in finance, male or female, needs to be prepared to tough out many situations they don’t enjoy.
Ironically, to stay in business long enough to change the culture, women in finance need to become more like men. At least emotionally, they need to grow a pair.
I hope Lindsy finds a job that makes her look forward to coming in every morning. I have to say though, without a thicker skin, I don’t think that job will be in finance.
People With Glass Ceilings 
Another great workplace reflection, Grrl. I think you’re right about Lindsy; I suspect she will be unhappy everywhere (and not just in various workplaces); even before Brenda’s explanation of the eye-rolls and sighs, I knew they were probably directed at the system, not at Lindsy. Kudos for your deft handling of the situation.
Now you’ve got me ruminating about “stones.” When you stop and think about, they’re as good a metaphor for “most vulnerable” and “most easily hurt” and “what the enemy aims for in a fight” as they are for “courage,” “guts,” etc. Maybe Lindsy needs that thicker skin you mentioned more than she needs additional places to get kicked.
Sorry I didn’t proofread better; I meant “come to think about IT.”